We need to stop being “good girls”.
From the day we’re born we’re expected to be, taught to be, and conditioned to be “good girls” – to conform, obey and follow the rules without question.
Not too loud. Not too opinionated. Stay in line. Don’t rock the boat.
As children.
As teenagers.
As young adults.
We’re expected to adhere to these “rules”.
However, as we navigate the complexities of adulthood, it becomes evident that this approach doesn’t always serve our best interests.
And then one day, maybe we’re pregnant, and then having a baby…
So many of us are left asking ourselves
“What just happened?”
“How did that happen?”
“Was all that necessary?”
“Why wasn’t I told?”
“Why didn’t they listen?”
“What just happened to me?”
And then we’re at home, holding our tiny human, trying to sort through all the emotions or maybe even push them away, while trying to recover and heal from birth.
Birth became something that happened to us instead of our greatest achievement.
Because “good girls” -
Don’t ask questions.
Don’t challenge authority.
Don’t question policy. (even when it doesn’t align with research/evidence)
Don’t say no.
It’s time to stop being “good girls”, stop raising “good girls”, stop silencing our voices.
Be unafraid to be loud, proud, open, and honest.
It's time to break free from this limiting mindset and embrace our instincts, ask the questions we need answered, question authority when necessary, and speak up for what's right.
Let’s look at some ways we can do this.
1. Trusting Our Instincts
Our instincts are powerful tools that have evolved over millennia to help us navigate the world safely. Yet, many of us have been taught to second-guess ourselves and rely on external validation - to look to the expert/authority figure in the room. It's crucial to recognize that our gut feelings, intuitions, and inner voices often hold valuable insights. When something doesn't feel right, it's our instincts telling us to pay attention. (Read my blog post specifically on learning to trust your instincts)
2. Asking Questions
Questioning is not a sign of disobedience or disrespect; it's a sign of critical thinking and a desire to understand better. When faced with a situation that raises doubts or concerns, don't hesitate to ask questions. Whether it's at work, in relationships, or within a community, asking the right questions can lead to deeper insights, solutions, and improved outcomes. When it comes to pregnancy, birth and beyond, asking questions allows us to gather valuable information so that we can make the best decisions we can. Whether we decide for or against or to wait, the important thing is to make the decision that truly feels right for us.
3. Challenging Authority
While respect for the knowledge and expertise of authority figures is appropriate, it should not equate to blind obedience. We must challenge authority when it oversteps its boundaries or when its decisions contradict our values and principles. Just because a caregiver believes a certain course of action is the way forward doesn’t mean it’s the only way forward or necessarily the right way forward for you. The world has witnessed countless positive changes because individuals dared to challenge authority and demand justice.
4. Saying No When Necessary
Saying "no" is not a selfish act; it's an act of self-care and self-preservation. We should never feel obligated to say "yes" to everything that comes our way, whether it's excessive workloads, toxic relationships, or unrealistic expectations. In pregnancy and birth, this might look like certain routine procedures, interventions, tests, or something else that doesn’t feel right for us. This is not to say that we have to say “no” to everything or even anything! Learning to say "no" when things don’t feel right for us in this time and place, empowers us to set boundaries and prioritize our well-being.
5. Speaking Up for What's Right
Staying silent doesn’t create change. When something doesn’t feel right or something happens that is wrong or unethical it can be scary to speak up, but it is the way we challenge what has or is happening and make sure it doesn’t happen again – to ourselves or anyone else. Our collective voice can drive change, hold individuals and institutions accountable, and create a more just and equitable society.
Let’s put “good girls” to rest and burst forth strong, courageous, fierce and powerful us!
The more we stand up for ourselves the more we stand up for each other.
We can change the narrative of birth.
We have to.
For ourselves, each other, our kids and our kids’ kids.
The era of being "good girls" who unquestioningly conform to societal expectations is coming to an end. Embracing our instincts, asking questions, challenging authority, saying no when necessary, and speaking up for what's right are the cornerstones of personal empowerment and societal progress. By doing so, we not only honour our authentic selves but also contribute to a world that values justice, integrity, and compassion.
