“Trust your instincts”… but how?
From a young age, we (women and girls in particular) are often conditioned to defer to authority figures, whether they be adults or men, and to disregard our own instincts. Society's gender norms and expectations have historically shaped this pattern, resulting in us doubting our intuition and ignoring our inner voice. However, it's crucial for us to learn to trust our instincts, as they are valuable sources of guidance, self-confidence, and personal empowerment.
So much of pregnancy, childbirth and parenting is reliant on us being in touch with our inner wisdom, our intuition, and those all-important instincts to guide us in what is right for us, and what is not.
Depending on our support system, and the work we may or may not have done around this issue, we can find ourselves in a few different situations:
1. We don’t trust, know to trust, or how to trust our instincts at all, and we default to looking to whatever professional is in the room to tell us what to do and go along with whatever they say regardless of how we might feel about it.
2. We’ve been told somewhere along the way that we need to trust our instincts, but we’ve spent so much of our lives ignoring them that we have no idea how to tap into our instincts let alone trust them.
3. Early on in our journey, someone, somewhere not only mentioned the phrase “trust your instincts” but also took the time to talk through the concept, why it’s so tricky (at first at least), and how to navigate and work through relearning to trust ourselves and our instincts.
In this blog post, we will explore the reasons behind this conditioning to disregard and ignore our instincts and provide practical steps to help you re-establish your trust in your instincts.
First, we need to understand the conditioning. Where does this come from. Once we understand this, we can break down whether it is something to hold on to or to let go. This can be incredibly freeing – as it allows room for growth and leaving behind the things that no longer serve us and our path.
Throughout history
Women and girls have been expected to conform to societal norms and expectations. This often resulted in the suppression of individual autonomy and decision-making. These patterns from history, continue today, even if only subtly.
Our whole lives we’re taught to ignore our instincts.
When to eat, when to stop.
When to go to sleep, when to wake.
How to show affection, to whom and when.
We’re encouraged to be obedient, polite, and submissive which inadvertently discourages us from listening to our inner voice.
Then there’s the gender stereotype that women are inherently less capable of making decisions or trusting their own judgement. This stereotype can lead to self-doubt and hesitation when it comes to following our instincts, even when it comes to our own bodies, even when something inside us tells us there must be another better way.
So what do we do?
How do we reconnect with our inner wisdom, our intuition, those instincts that let us know what is truly right for us – heart, body, and mind right for us.
Here are some steps you can start taking today to increase your awareness and begin to trust you instincts, value your intuition and honour your inner wisdom.
Self-Reflection:
Start by looking deeply at your own beliefs and experiences. Explore where your beliefs about yourself and life have come from and whether they continue to serve you (maybe whether they ever did!). Reflect on moments when you felt your instincts were dismissed or ignored. Acknowledge the impact this has had on your self-confidence and decision-making.
Validate Your Feelings:
It's essential to validate your emotions and instincts. Understand that your feelings and intuitions are valid and should not be dismissed solely based on expectations from society or any other external influences. A lot of feelings may come up through this process. It’s important to sit with them and allow them to just be as you reflect, process, and learn more about yourself.
Self-Compassion:
Be kind to yourself. This process can be hard! Trusting your instincts can sometimes lead to mistakes, but these are opportunities for growth. Self-compassion allows you to learn from your experiences without harsh self-judgment.
Develop Self-Awareness:
Improve self-awareness by practicing mindfulness techniques. Meditation and journaling can help you become more attuned to your thoughts, emotions, and instincts.
Mindfulness:
Start by practicing mindfulness meditation. This will help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations. Mindfulness allows you to be present in the moment, which is essential for connecting with your inner wisdom.
Listen to Your Body:
Your body often gives you signals about how you truly feel about a situation. Pay attention to physical sensations like tension, relaxation, butterflies in your stomach, or a sense of calm. These bodily cues can be powerful indicators of what your instincts are telling you.
Journaling:
Keep a journal where you write about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. This can help you identify patterns in your intuition and decision-making. Reflect on past situations where your instincts served you well or when you ignored them to your detriment.
Seek Solitude and Silence:
Spend time alone in quiet and peaceful settings. Removing external distractions can help you connect with your inner self. Solitude allows your mind to wander and make connections that may not be apparent in a noisy environment. If you can, spend this time out in nature – the natural world has huge benefits for the mind, body and soul.
Mind-Body Practices:
Engage in mind-body practices such as art, hypnotherapy, yoga, music, relaxation, spiritual practices, humour, gratitude, walking/time in nature, deep breathing, massage/acupuncture and more. These practices can help you connect with your body's wisdom and promote a sense of inner peace.
Seek Supportive Relationships:
Surround yourself with people who encourage and support your self-trust journey. They can provide valuable perspectives but remember to balance their input with your own instincts. This is why it’s so important to seek out mentors, friends, or family members who value your instincts and provide a safe space for you to express yourself.
Education and Information:
Knowledge is empowering. Educate yourself about the importance of intuition and its role in decision-making. Understand that instincts are often a result of subconscious processing of information and experiences.
Intuition:
Intuition comes from everything we’ve experienced, learnt, and felt creating patterns and connections that influence and direct our decisions and responses to situations and circumstances. It can help us make more confident decisions faster when we have deep trust in our instincts/intuition/inner wisdom.
Trust Your Gut Feelings:
Trust that initial gut feeling or intuition that you have about a person or situation. It's your subconscious mind processing information faster than your conscious mind. Don't dismiss these feelings or let doubt creep in too quickly.
Small Steps:
Start by trusting your instincts in low-stakes situations and gradually work your way up to more significant decisions. Building confidence in your instincts is a process that takes time.
Learn from Experience:
Embrace both successes and failures as learning opportunities. Over time, you'll become better at recognizing when to trust your instincts and when to be cautious. Trust grows as you gain more experience and confidence in your decision-making abilities.
Embrace Mistakes:
Understand that trusting your instincts may sometimes lead to mistakes, just like any decision-making process. Embrace these mistakes as learning opportunities and continue to refine your intuition.
Stay Open-Minded:
While it's important to trust your instincts, remain open-minded to new information and perspectives. Sometimes, your initial instincts may need adjustment based on evolving circumstances.
Challenge Gender Stereotypes:
Speak out against gender stereotypes and biases. Challenge societal norms that perpetuate the idea that women should defer to others. Encourage open dialogue about empowering women and girls to trust their instincts.
Celebrate Your Intuition:
Celebrate the moments when your instincts guide you well. Acknowledge and appreciate your inner wisdom, and use it as motivation to continue trusting yourself.
Trusting your instincts and connecting with your inner wisdom is a journey of self-discovery and self-empowerment.
Remember that you already have these instincts and wisdom within you, as old as time. Now it’s about reconnecting with them. Searching within yourself to find that voice, that feeling and to trust it.
When we break free from the conditioning and gender stereotypes that have ruled our lives for so long, we build confidence in ourselves and our ability to make the decisions that align with our true selves and our life’s path. Recognizing that our instincts are valid and valuable, surrounding ourselves with those who support and uplift us to be our authentic selves, and taking steps to reconnect with ourselves, sets us on the path to reclaim our inner voice and navigate life (including pregnancy and childbirth) with confidence and authenticity.
